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GLOSSARY OF BDSM, FETISH & KINK
The glossary below defines terms commonly used in the BDSM community. BDSM activities are described as play in BDSM terminology. Here are some of the most common terms used in BDSM to help those that may be unsure or unfamiliar with what certain terms mean or the language used. This is also designed for those who are new to and interested in expanding their knowledge of the language that can be used within the BDSM community.
A-D
The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels. In some BDSM relationships, such as D/s, aftercare may involve the Dominant caring for the submissive if physical pain was inflicted, such as applying baby oil to areas that were struck during play.
Aftercare
Usually referring to daddy/daughter or mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.
Age Play
A type of nipple clamp with tips that have teeth resembling an alligators mouth. Most clamps of this style come with removable rubber tips and have adjustment screws to limit how far they can close.
Alligator Clamp
The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, cat, pony, cow, etc.).
Animal Play
Attachable cuffs, generally made of leather, that enable a Dom to immobilise his submissive’s legs.
Ankle Cuffs
Any device including ankle cuffs that immobilise a submissive’s legs.
Anle restraint
Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. “Bad pain” is pain which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not wished for, and of limited or no value in this context. Good pain and bad pain refer to pleasant vs. unpleasant pain. As a “vanilla” example, imagine soreness after a good workout at the gym versus the pain of stubbing your toe. Author Jay Wiseman suggests a correlation between perception of “bad pain” during BDSM play and subsequent injury.
Bad pain
A device with a rubber ball and straps, which secures the ball in the bottom’s mouth to stifle screams.
Ball gag
The practice of stretching the scrotal sack so that it hangs lower using weights or other devices to pull on it above the testicles. As the sack is pulled, the testicles are squeezed leading to discomfort and sometime pain.
Ball stretching
Causing pain to the male testicles, also included in CBT or cock and ball torture.
Ball Torture
Extremely high heeled boots that require you to stand on the ends of your toes rather than the sole of your foot. Usually they have heels that are 8-9 inches and require considerable training and ability to walk in without assistance. Sometime also referred to as bondage boots.
Ballet boots
The act of whipping the sub’s feet, usually the sub would be tied up to restrict movement as the torture is being inflicted; part of impact play.
Bastinado
Although they go together in this phrase, they are not inextricably linked. Bondage means restraining someone in a helpless position (Such as being tied up.) Discipline is training a person to behave in a certain way. They tend to go together because Dominants tend to do both to their submissive.
B&D
BDSM – A physical, psychological and usually sexual power-role-play with consensual participants.
Stands for Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism & Masochism.
BDSM
General term for such BDSM activities such as flogging caning, spanking, strapping, etc. Singapore is well-known for caning as a punishment so you’re searching in the right country for this punishment.
Ballet boots
To show respect to every part of the Dominant’s body, often by kissing, licking, or sucking. May involve ritual components.
Body worship
Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part, such as breast bondage.
Bondage
Used for mummification and occasionally suspension. Commonly made of leather with straps and made to fit snugly.
Bondage suit
Usually a service performed by the sub for their Dom/me. Caring for your Dom/me’s possessions. Usually caring/cleaning leather, latex and rubber toys/clothing/gear.
Boot blacking
To show respect to every part of the Dominant’s body, often by kissing, licking, or sucking. May involve ritual components.
Body worship
one who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene; the one-done-to rather than the do-er.
Bottom
A type of singletail consisting of a woven or braided leather whip, usually longer than 4′, with a short rigid handle.
Bullwhip
Usually made of metal or wood for locking the submissive inside of. It can be small so the sub can’t get in a comfortable position.
Cage
A whip that has exactly 9 strands. Some have a knot at the end for increased sensation or sting.
Cat O Nine Tails
Cock and ball torture (CBT) – Causing pain to the male genital area; usually in controlled, consensual BDSM scenes.
CBT
A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the choice of their partner; sometimes by means of a device called a chastity belt (or for men a cock cage) that prevents stimulation or makes it painful.
Chastity
Using chemicals to produce sensations. Examples: wintergreen oil, Tabasco sauce, tiger balm, ginger, peppermint, rubbing alcohol, toothpaste, menthol, etc.
Chemical play
The word has its origin in the Latin-derived prefix cis, meaning “to/this the near side”. In short, a ‘girly girl’ or ‘manly man’.
Cisgendered
Type of adjustable nipple clamps that tightens as it is pulled. Also known as Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps.
Clover nipple clamps
Rubber or metal ring that slips round base of cock and balls; supposed to increase duration of erection but also has D/s aspects to it.
Cock ring
Leather or neoprene strap that wraps around the base of cock and balls to help improve erection.
Cock strap
Consideration is when the person receiving/having power is still considering or deciding whether to accept the lesser-power partner to a closer, more important, or more responsible (etc.) position or relationship.
Consideration
Retributive punishment using repetitive spankings and question and reply to change a bottom’s behaviour. Another popular Singapore punishment. I am beginning to think Singapore caning laws were created by dominatrices.
Corporal punishment
Attached to the end of a whip. Makes a loud cracking sound as the whip is snapped.
Cracker
Use of costumes by one or both parties in a scene to enhance the “atmosphere” of role play.
Costume Play
A type of whip used in horseback riding, quite popular in BDSM scenes. It stings and can mark a butt severely, but is easy to master and quite reasonable in price.
Crop
A man with an “unfaithful” long term partner (i.e. a husband and wife where the wife has sex with other people).
Cuckold
Dressing in clothing worn by the opposite sex. Does not indicate sexually preference in any way.
Cross dressing
A universal term including all forms of Doms, Dommes, Owners, Tops, etc. (s-type for submissives.)
D-Type
Sexual arousal from seeing tears in the eyes of one’s partner. Something sadists sometimes find enjoyable or arousing.
Dacryphilia
For looks or immobilisation.
Decorative bondage
1. One who dresses and/or role plays the part of a baby or toddler. 2. One who enjoys wearing and/or relieving themselves in diapers, without necessarily indulging in role play.
Diaper Lover
Whipping, spanking, verbal orders, etc for the purpose of training a submissive.
Discipline
Role-play games involving treating the bottom as a dog. Similar to Pony Training where the bottom is treated like a pony.
Dog training
The process of evolving, mentally and physically, into a “living doll.” Individuals who desire this process-as well as those who are in the midst of the process or have already achieved an end result-may be described as “dolls,” and most desire as well to be owned.
Dollification
The Dominant/Top’s equivalent of “subdrop.” In brief, it’s an emotional condition caused by the sudden drop of adrenalin from intense BDSM play. It can manifest in a variety of emotional responses, including anger or depression. It’s the reason aftercare isn’t just for subs/bottoms. (Also called ‘Topdrop’.)
Domdrop
(Usually applied to a slave or submissive): One whose inclination is to serve primarily as a domestic, as in cleaning, cooking, running a household. There may or may not be sexual or other physical contact involved in the relationship.
Domestic
A Top. who controls a bottom, submissive, or slave.
Dominant
Taking the Dominant role – controlling the bottom’s behaviour, it can be role-play or in a D/s relationship.
Domination
A Domme or domina; it implies being a professional.
Dominatrix
Term arising from “being walked on.” (1) A typical vanilla view of the concept of submission. (2) A submissive who desires to be treated as insignificant, objectified, to serve with little or no showing of affection or approval.
Doormat
An unusual type of whip consisting of a handle, often made of wood and wrapped with leather, to which a wide triangular piece of thin leather or suede is attached. This leather or suede forms a lash which is a hollow tube tapering to a point at the striking end.
Dragon’s tail
The owner or host of a dungeon facility, or host of a play party.
Dungeon Master/Mistress
A room or area with BDSM equipment and play space.
Dungeon
E-H
Sexual arousal from stripping in front of an audience.
Ecdyosis
SM play that involves a chance of harm, either physically or emotionally. Because the definition of edgeplay is subjective to the specific players (i.e., what is risky for me may not be as risky for you), there isn’t a universal list of what is included in edgeplay. However, there are a few forms of play which almost always make the cut, including fireplay, rough body play, breath play.
Edgeplay
A sub being brought to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release, often done over and over again. It may be done by their dominant, or they may be allowed to self-manipulation. If eventually allowed to cum, it tends to be more intense, but their top may put them directly into chastity and sexual frustration, driving them further into submission.
Edging
A castration device. This device sometimes get used as a clamp, mainly for nipples.
elastrator
To use electrical devices in play for pain or pleasure. This might include EMS (Electrical Muscle Stimulation), HVPG (High-voltage Pulsed Galvanic Stimulation), IFS (Interferential Stimulation), IFC (Interferential Current), MENS (Microcurrent Electric Nerve Stimulator), TENS (TranscutaneousElectrical Nerve Stimulation), MANS (Muscle and/or Peripheral Nerve Stimulation) sometimes called MANStim, Russian Muscle stimulation is similar to EMS, and Microcurrent Stimulation and Microcurrent Therapy.
Electroplay
Permanent removal of the male sex organs. Sometimes simulated through the use of a chastity device or through a dominants restrictions forbidding typical male behaviour such a urinating while standing.
Emasculation
Play making use of heavy emotional content; often humiliation, sometimes fear or shame.
Emotional Play
Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the “high” people often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body’s response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their “payoff” to the sub.
Endorphin Rush
Dom/me will become familiar with certain words, or activities that provoke a strong emotional reaction from the sub. The key is to know the positive and negative responses and how many you can push, if any.
Emotional buttons/triggers
keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity.
Erotic sexual denial
The act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties.
Erotic spanking
An implement consisting of a thin rod, often of carbon fiber, typically about the diameter of a mechanical pencil lead, attached to a small, rigid handle. The rod is flexible and very strong; when laid against the skin and then flicked with a strong upward motion at its tip, it causes a sharp pain and typically leaves a thin, well-defined welt that can persist for days. Carbon fiber is a preferred material for the stick.
Evil stick
Is non-consensual, frequently involving physical force and imprisonment.
External enslavement
A Bondage device that is very strict or terribly confining, usually not something used on beginners.
Extreme restraints
Behaving extravagantly in order to attract attention. In BDSM, often takes the form of displaying “taboo” actions or portions of the body to others. This may be for the gratification of the exhibitionist, or at the direction of a Top, to expose them to humiliation.
Exhibitionism
An arrangement which allows the bottom to escape from bondage in case of emergency. May be used when a Dominant has a medical condition which may incapacitate him; or the participants may agree to it as a general safety policy, “just in case.”
Failsafe
Something one thinks about. Usually a fantasy that makes one respond sexually. Common to have a fantasy while masturbating or having sex. Some fantasies should be left in your mind rather than try to make them a reality.
Fantasy
Creating a real fear or seemingly real fear in a safe manner.
Fear play
Making the sub more sensitive and the clitoris larger. Common usage are nipple pumps or pumps they make for men. Some use the rubber top of an eyedropper. Can be done for play or if done regularly will become permanent and would be a body modification.
Female vacuum pumping
A relationship in which the Dominant is female. Usually refers more specifically to a relationship between a female Dominant and a male submissive; the reverse of MDom.
Femdom
To be forced to dress up as a female usually in frilly, lacy clothing.
Feminsation
Attraction or attachment to an idea or object. Examples- Leather, uniforms, black attire.
Fetish
Metal leg cuffs held together by chain.
Fetters
Financial Dominance or FinDom: A situation in which (submissive) men desire to give dominant women (or dominant men <gay or straight>) money, even going into bankruptcy. Often they know each other only on line or on the phone. The FinDom may give nothing back, or something standardided for all their money slaves.
Findom
Usually done with poi balls that are designed with a chain and made for fire. Dom/me does poi spinning but lights the poi balls on fire and then flogs the sub with them.
Fire flogging
Using fire as an implement of BDSM. This can mean blowing the heat of a light torch onto a bottom, lighting pools of fuel on the bottom’s skin, lighting flash cotton on the bottom, and other creative uses of heat. Cupping is usually considered an offshoot of fireplay, although in sensation it’s closer to the use of clips and clamps. Usually considered edgeplay.
Fireplay
To wear a specific colored handkerchief to tell others if you are Dom/me/Top or sub/bottom/slave and what kind of activity you are into. i.e. Red handkerchief on left side means you are Dom/me that likes to do fisting. Red handkerchief on right side means you are sub that likes to be fisted.
Flagging
A flashy flogging technique involving the use of a flogger in each hand. The floggers are swung in a figure-8 pattern.
Florentine
A catheter with a balloon that can be inflated with sterile water to hold in place.
Foley catheter
To orally service the Dom/me’s feet. Commonly by sucking, kissing, licking the Dom/me’s bare feet.
Foot worship
To rub your body against another person or object to get sexually aroused.
Frottage
Most common is a rubber ball placed into the mouth to prevent speaking, held by a strap.
Gag
Usually made of leather or rubber. Male chastity device for enclosing or restricting penis and testicles.
Gates of hell
Torture of the genitals.
Genitorture
A body suit, usually with face covering, possibly genital openings, made of plastic, PVC, leather or combination, usually along with some combination of humiliation, predicament or dehumanisation fetishes.
Gimp
Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.
Golden shower
Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. “Good pain” is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to be experienced and seen by them as of enjoyment or value.
Good pain
A subgenre based upon the rituals and practices created within the world of Gor in the erotic novels by John Norman. Gorean culture is based on stereotypical gender-based roles which is considered by many to be in conflict with BDSM, where there is freedom for either gender to act in any role (Male/Female as either Dom/sub or Top/bottom).
Gorean
Bondage technique in which the hair is secured in such a way as to limit mobility of the bound person’s head, upper body, etc., also done for the sensation it gives.
Hair bondage
Commonly used BDSM device to restrain the wrists. And also by the police in Singapore. Hehe.
Handcuffs
Old guard leather community’s colour code of sexual preference.
Hanky code
What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable (may or may not be subject to change over time).
Hard limit
Elaborate bondage device made with leather straps worn on the body.
Harness
Very narrow skirt that restricts the wearer’s ability to take anything other than tiny steps.
Hobble skirt
A bondage technique in which one or both ankles are bound to the wrists, usually behind the back.
Hogtie
A head covering, usually made of leather, that the Dominant wears to increase the “fear factor” in a BDSM scene or a submissive is made to wear to provide some degree of sensory deprivation.
Hood
A sub that may or may not live with the Dom/me. Their responsible for caring/cleaning/maintaining the Dom/me’s home. This may include doing errands, grocery shopping and entertaining guests.
Hourseboy/girl
An Asian Hypno Mistress is one who provides hypnosis services specialising in Hypnosis, Fantasy, Roleplay Hypnosis, Femdom BDSM Hypnosis, Feminization Hypnosis, Love and Addiction Hypnosis, Mind Control/Brainwashing, Sensual & Romantic hypnosis, Relaxation Hypnosis, Self-Help Hypnosis, General Erotic Hypnosis, Financial Domination, General Fun Hypnosis and erotic hypnosis.
Asian Hypno Mistress
I-L
Usually done with rope or saran wrap to create a helplessness in the sub. Some also call this mummification.
Infantilism
Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
Impact Play
Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.
Infantilism
Creating a persona or fantasy character and acting it out in play.
In-role
The principle that in order for consent to be genuine, the consenter must know all significant information about the object of consent.
Informed Consent
Some feel internal enslavement and total power exchange or erotic power exchange are similar, others don’t. Internal enslavement is consensual ownership in which the sub/slave cannot take back their consent.
Internal Enslavement
Being suspended upside down.
Inverted Suspension
Oral questioning of the sub that usually comes across as torture or cross examination.
Interrogations
A form of sensory deprivation, yet done safely.
Isolation
Specific style of rope bondage.
Japanese Bondage
Most common is for a sub to write daily their thoughts or things they want their Dom/me to know without fear of being punished. It is also a place the sub can express desires that they can’t bring themselves to verbally express.
Journal
A less experienced Dom/me assisting an experienced Dom/me.
Junior Top
Animal roleplay where the animal being roleplayed is a dog.
K-9 Roleplay
Gorean term for slavegirl.
Kajira
Commonly called a panic snap or quick release.
Karabiner
A large wheel that a sub can be bound to. The wheel will rotate or spin.
Katherine Wheel
To wear a set of keys to tell others if you are Dom/me/Top or sub. i.e. Keys on the left side means you are Dom/me. Keys on right side means you are sub/bottom/slave.
Keys
Also known as Shibari which literally means ‘the beauty of tight binding’. Kinbaku is a Japanese style of bondage or BDSM which involves tying up the bottom using simple yet visually intricate patterns, usually with several pieces of thin rope.
Kinbaku
Usually referring to those with alternative lifestyles that get together in social or learning situations. Those into BDSM, transgender, polyfidelity, gay/lesbian etc. are commonly referred to as part of the kink community
Kink Community
Not kinky themselves but supportive of kinky people.
Kink Friendly
Whip with knotted and wire thongs.
Knout
Term for collar used by online Goreans.
Kolar
Any long, flexible implement, often made of leather or cord, used to strike a person or Tte flexible striking part of a flogger. Also averb – To strike with a lash.
Lash
A person within the leather community or tradition who receives kinky activities from someone.
Leather bottom
An authority figure within the leather community or tradition.
Leather Daddy
A person within the leather community or tradition who performs kinky activities on someone.
Leather Top
Someone within the leather community or tradition who may be submissive or in a subordinate role, and often doesn’t identify with binary gender labels.
Leatherboi
A submissive within the leather community or tradition; usually seeking a paternal/maternal figure.
Leathergirl
A person who has a fetish for leather and/or espouses the traditions and protocols of a traditional style of BDSM that arose out of the combination of male homosexual BDSM with motorcycle clubs (“biker culture”) after World War II.
Leatherman
A female who is primarily attracted to other females in a sexual and/or romantic way.
Lesbian
What someone will not participate in (hard limits), or is hesitant to do so (soft limits).
Limits
M-P
Term of respect for a female Dominant.
Ma’am
Popular role-play where the submissive dresses up – and acts like – a maid.
Maid
Sexual arousal from pregnant women.
Maieusiophilia
A thick cane.
Malacca
BDSM play where a male is the one in control or who controls the submissive.
Male Domination
A male Dominant.
Maledom
Metal restraints.
Manacle
A small flogger.
Martinet
Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
Masochism
Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
Masochist
Dominant, controlling partner in a D/s relationship, where the submissive partner is known as the slave.
Master
A consensual relationship in which one person receives control (the Master) when given it by another (the slave) for mutual benefit. An extreme form of D/s which usually involves a 24/7 relationship rather than a short period of time (scene or perhaps a week end.) The slave will usually accept a collar from their Master to show that they are owned.
Master / Slave
BDSM scene involving medical scenarios.
Medical Scene
A teacher or advisor who often shows a newbie around the world of BDSM and D/s.
Mentor
Sexual arousal from bondage.
Merinthophilia
Female analogue or version of Master.
Mistress
Analogue of Daddy in BDSM play. Sometimes submissives call their Mistress “Mommy” or “Mummy”.
Mommy / Mummy
Used as a BDSM device for nipple torture. A severe and pain cheap nipple clamp.
Mousetraps
Immobilising the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.
Mummification
A fetish for muscles, muscular men or muscles on a woman such as with bodybuilders, elite athletes, ironman or ironwoman, and long distance runners..
Muscle Fetish
A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a “vanilla” place in street-appropriate attire. Sometimes this is a club.
Munch
Used in control scenes such as forced feeding.
Nasogastric tube
Sexual arousal from nose sucking.
Nasolingus
Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.
Needle Play
Discussing hard and soft limits and related items of BDSM taste before any play or relationship begins. It helps in defining Safe, Sane and Consensual between the dominant and submissive.
Negotiation
Someone new to something such the BDSM play or lifestyle.
Newbie
Devices that clamp onto the nipples. Weights can be attached to stretch the nipples. Nipple Clamps often provide increased stimulation which can involve pain and pleasure. See Also, Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps, Alligator Nipple Clamps, Tweezer Nipple Clamps.
Nipple Clamps
Jewellery that looks like small hoop earrings that are inserted through pierced nipples. Another popular jewelry style for pierced nipples is the barbell. There also non-permanent nipple rings which stay attached by pinching the nipple.
Nipple Rings
To cause pain to the nipples. Typically by using nipple clamps, needles, mousetraps, pulling and twisting, etc.
Nipple Torture
Decorative nipple jewelry that encircles or even covers the nipple.
Nipple Shield
A traditionally Japanese form of BDSM often involving nose hooks.
Nose Torture
Human sushi platters.
Nyotaimori
Eyeball-licking.
Oculolictus
Sexual arousal from biting or being bitten.
Odaxelangnia
A tooth fetish.
Odontophilia
A tube from mouth to stomach. Used in force feeding scenes. Not for beginners.
Orogastric Tube
Sexual arousal from foul smells and odours.
Osphresiolagnia
Over the knee (spanking) where the subject is placed over the lap of the person administering the spanking. I remember some teachers used to do this to students in Singapore back in the old days. A very common form of punishment in most Asian schools (China, Malaysia, Philippines, Indonesia, Thailand, India, etc.)
OTK
A flat instrument used for spanking purposes; usually made of wood or some other rigid material.
Paddle
A common type of lock used in BDSM play. Use to secure bondage restraints, securely fasten chain links together, as labia weights, etc.
Padlock
A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.
Painslut
Pain causes the release of endorphins that is thought causes the submissive to go into subspace.
Pain
BDSM play involving pain.
Pain Games
The point at which stimulation becomes pain.
Pain Threshold
BDSM activities encompassing all sexualities, heterosexual, homosexual, trangender, etc.
Pansexuality
A toy resembling a parachute from which weights can be suspended in ball torture scenes. This is a very good idea for punishing men.
Parachute Ball Stretcher
Recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving non-human objects, the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner, children, and non-consenting persons.
Paraphilia
A sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo.
Pegging
Fetish for large penises. Something most women have.
Phallophilia
see Water Sports and Golden Showers.
Piss Play
A BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes.
Play Party
Piercing the body temporarily. All piercings are removed at the end of the session.
Play Piercing
Also known as a PA. A male piercing between the urethra and the underside of the penis. Not named after the Prince of Monaco. Hmmm…I wonder why Prince Albert. Naughty Prince.
Prince Albert
Same thing as Foot Fetish.
Podophilia
Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.
Ponygirl / Ponyboy
The dynamic whereby the Dominant is consensually given power over the submissive, whether for just the scene or for a relationship. Sometimes called Total Power Exchange or TPE.
Power Exchange
Male professional dominant (charges money).
ProDom
Female professional dominant (charges money).
ProDomme
Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a bowl, etc. Such play is sexual, but also focuses on the altered mind-space of bottom/pup and the complete dominance of his/her Trainer/Master.
Pup-Play
Old school phrase for a very demanding bottom. Associated with Topping from the bottom.
Pushy Bottom
Q-T
A type of buggy whip used by a domme for whipping the submissive. Easier and safer to use than a bullwhip.
Quirt
Risk Aware Consensual Kink. This acronym was born as a response to SSC, as a consent-culture and safety-oriented attitude that could include more inherently risky play in it’s scope.
RACK
The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape. When someone fantasizes about wanting to be raped; can lead to some very tricky consent boundaries.
Rape Fantasy
r/l or r/t – as opposed to virtual or cyber life.
Real Life or Real Time
Most common safe word meaning stop; as in code red
Red
A domme limiting the bottom’s movement with the use of various bondage gear, equipment or devices.
Restraint
A domme limiting the bottom’s behavior or physical movement.
Restriction
Tongue contact with the rectum or asshole.
Rimming
A device that keeps the submissive’s mouth wide open. Also called a “piss gag”
Ring Gag
The most common of bondage equipment. Rope is used by a domme or dominatrix to tie up the submissive to place them into submission. Also used in Shibari.
Rope
Sex involving anything rough: biting, scratching, power play, you name it
Rough Sex
Abbreviation for Role Play Games. Taking fantasy roles in BDSM scenes. For example, nurse or doctor/patient, etc.
RPG
After leather, rubber is the most popular fetish material used in a variety of BDSM toys and equipment.
Rubber
Someone who finds enjoyment in giving pain to another person/the act of enjoying giving pain to another for fun. Sadists like to inflict pain for many different reasons; sometimes sexual. The term dates back to the Marquis de Sade.
Sadism / Sadist
The perversion of taking pleasure, especially sexual gratification from simultaneous sadism and masochism.
Sadomasochism
A pre-negotiated word or phrase that either party, eg. a submissive can use to get the domme to stop his or her scene. It is absolute. If a Dominant disregards a submissive’s safe word, that Dominant is considered “unsafe”. The most common safe word is “RED!” Some also use a caution word such as “Yellow” to signify that the dominant is approaching a limit.
Safe Word
A popular piece of BDSM furniture where a submissive can be conveniently tied or cuffed to it by the domme and rendered immobile. It looks like a big cross.
Saint Andrew’s Cross
Faecal or faeces or fecal play depending on whether you’re American or English. An abbreviation for “scatological”.
Scat Play
A BDSM session. A time period of BDSM activities. Can be used to refer to a “public scene” at a party where the participants let others watch or a “private scene” where just the dominant and submissive are present. Also used to refer to the BDSM community.
Scene
A popular RPG where the submissive is the “bad school girl” and the Domme / Dominant is the “teacher”.
Schoolgirl Roleplay
BDSM Play that involves the sense of touch, not necessarily pain, where the intent is to push people’s sensory limits, thus exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips and flagellation. For example, running a flogger gently across someone’s skin, alternating between soft velvet and scratchy burlap on the back of a paddle. All these are playing with the sensation across someone’s skin.
Sensation Play
The practice of performing bondage on oneself by oneself.
Self-Bondage
Metal or leather bondage restraint device consisting of round cuffs joined by a chain or bar.
Shackle
Traditional Japanese rope bondage, Shibari is more aesthetically specific than western bondage, and uses a series of designated length and diameter ropes. In the recent world of rope bondage, Shibari has been adapted and combined with a more western style, and the two are often seen used together. The word “Shibari” means “to tie” or “to bind.”
Shibari
A term used interchangeably with “submissive”. Some consider a slave a more extreme version of a submissive. Someone who consensually gives up total control of one or more aspects of their life to another person (their Master or Dominatrix).
Slave
A specific element or action of play that a person isn’t really comfortable with, is hesitant to do or nervous to try, but could be some time in the future, and/or might want to push past. They can sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be negotiated at a trial or beginner level into a BDSM scene.
Soft Limit
To slap on the buttocks with the open hand, or a short flat object such as a paddle or a hairbrush. Used as both punishment and/or in role-play context in BDSM scenes.
Spanking
Medical device intended for opening and examining the anus / rectum or vagina; used mostly in “doctor/medical scene” play.
Speculum
A long metal rod that holds the submissive legs, thighs or even wrists wide apart. Ladies, now you know why your Singapore teachers asked you to keep your legs closed.
Spreader Bar
Sexual attraction to those with body modifications or tattoos.
Stigmatophilia
A piece of bondage furniture patterned after the Puritan model. The head and hands go through holes while the submissive is standing.
Stocks
Confining device used mostly in psychiatric wards to restrain the insane. It is intended to prevent the movement of the arms and is usually impossible to remove without assistance. Used by a domme on a submissive.
Straightjacket
An emotional, psychological, or physiological state, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, that can sometimes be experienced after an intense session of BDSM play. Usually involves feelings of loss, loneliness, abandon, worry, misgivings about the play or one’s identity as a kinkster, and sadness. Helpful remedies include: cuddling, warm blankets, favorite movies, and good foods.
Subdrop
The act of submitting to the will and desire of another, usually within negotiated limits.
Submission
An individual who consents to give up power to a Domme or Dominant. This can be for any duration – for an hour or a lifetime.
Submissive
A state of mind and body, often like a trance, referring to a blissful, other-worldly place bottoms can go during heavy BDSM scene or play. Subspace, also referred to as “flying,” or “floating,” is usually a combination of endorphins and adrenaline that, in the right mix, have an almost drug-like effect. Many bottoms report their pain tolerance sky rocketing, and a desire to keep playing forever.
Subspace
The practice of lifting or partially lifting the subject into the air so that no part of the body touches the floor. Not recommended for beginners. Most commonly seen with rope, webbing or chain, suspension can be done with any number of things, although a familiarity with anatomy and safety practices is a must.
Suspension
A person who can both Top and Bottom depending on the situation and his or her partner, either in one BDSM scene or on different occasions. . One who switches between roles. Many switches have switches as partners.
Switch
Sadism and masochism. Originally an acronym for “Sadomasochism”. Meaning the same as “kink” or “BDSM” when the scene was still in its fledgling stages. One who enjoy administering pain and one who enjoys receiving pain.
S&M
Safe, Sane and Consensual. A credo used by some BDSM practitioners to determine the appropriateness of BDSM play. A popular slogan in the BDSM world meaning that play should always be safe, with good judgment exercised, and most importantly, it must be consensual.
SSC
Any long, flexible implement, often made of leather or cord, used to strike a person or Tte flexible striking part of a flogger. Also averb – To strike with a lash.
Lash
A person within the leather community or tradition who receives kinky activities from someone.
Leather bottom
An authority figure within the leather community or tradition.
Leather Daddy
A person within the leather community or tradition who performs kinky activities on someone.
Leather Top
Someone within the leather community or tradition who may be submissive or in a subordinate role, and often doesn’t identify with binary gender labels.
Leatherboi
A submissive within the leather community or tradition; usually seeking a paternal/maternal figure.
Leathergirl
A person who has a fetish for leather and/or espouses the traditions and protocols of a traditional style of BDSM that arose out of the combination of male homosexual BDSM with motorcycle clubs (“biker culture”) after World War II.
Leatherman
A female who is primarily attracted to other females in a sexual and/or romantic way.
Lesbian
What someone will not participate in (hard limits), or is hesitant to do so (soft limits).
Limits
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